Customised Matrimony, Endogamy/Exogamy: Challenges of Modernity

Customised Matrimony, Endogamy/Exogamy: Challenges of Modernity

Day after day we hear reports of young couples in north and north west India losing their lives for marrying in contravention of caste (endogamy)or gotra(exogamy) rules, ironically, at the hands of their very near and dear kinsmen who take pride in giving their heinous act the name of ‘honour killing’. Cases of young couples mysteriously disappearing without any trace, soon after they secretly married crossing the caste and gotra lakshmana rekha should fall in the same category as presumably they either ended their lives on their own or were put to the sword by their own leaving no clue of the hoary act. The same region is reputed to have shown a very low ratio of females vis-à-vis male population per thousand over the centuries giving reasonable quarter for suspecting of the prevalence of the condemnable practice of female feticide. Peasant communities here, not denying the latter practice offer a number of alibis, which however do not go to justify the practice. These are not ordinary crimes against humanity but fall in the category of sinful acts which await retribution in after life also apart from whatever exemplary punishment law should be able to impart. But having said that one can not deny the intricacies involved in the issue. Nor it is enough to describe the phenomena merely as one of tribal psyche and lack of education failing to march with modernity and clinging to custom in disregard of the state law simply for the reason of its prevalence among the rural communities. Therefore there is a need to go a little deeper into the causes and background of the incidents. The role of the caste Panchayats also needs to be constructively understood in this context.
A few typical cases may be cited to describe the scene. We may first mention cases where the norm of endogamy (marriage within one’s own caste) was reported to have been violated. Reported from inner rural areas of Uttar Pradesh, Haryana and Punjab from time to time, with a disturbing regularity, these are cases where invariably the girl of a higher caste had eloped with and married a boy of some Dalit caste. In the manner of a set pattern the couple in each case was apprehended, tied to a tree alive and lit with fire ending their dreams and lives in smoke. The hapless parents and kinsmen of the boy in almost all cases remained mute spectators while the men of the girl’s side inflated by the heat of the moment gloated over their kill, taking pride in vindicating their ‘honour’ to the satisfaction of the traditional caste Panchayat. In several cases the boy and the girl contracting marriage voluntarily were reported to be hailing from the same village. Though no direct violation also of the rule of marrying only outside their gotra (exogamy) had occurred in these cases but for the reason of marrying a girl of the same village there was in each case violation of the extreme type of the rule of neighbourhood kinship (seemjod biradari). Not withstanding the sanction of law these marriages were not found tenable for the simple reason that in the tract under reference a daughter of a village can not be socially accepted as a daughter-in-law at the same time in the same village. The life style of the rural communities does not countenance such a situation. It can happen in urban settlements where anonymity and disguised identity can help over come the attending dilemmas arising from contentious marriages. But the couple would never be welcome in the house of the parents of the girl. The progeny that they beget would take the caste of their father. Kinship relationships between the two families would end for ever.
Same is true in cases of violation of the rule of not marrying within one’s own gotra (exogamy). Violation of the rule of exogamy is further compounded if the couple belonged to the same village and had a common gotra in addition. Their fulfilling the condition of endogamy would be of no avail. The Dharmasutras support the view that marriage in the same gotra is invalid. The reported stand of the caste Panchayats in the above types though seen at variance with the state law needs to be appreciated in the context of maintaining a healthy social order in a given environment. Does’nt law essentially base itself on such postulates? And has not the principle of separate law for specialized or differently situate groups been recognized by the Apex court on more than one occasion? Plurality of a society needs plurality of dispensations for regulating its life in a harmonious manner. There was a case widely reported in the print and electronic media last year. A daughter of the Hooda gotra had married a boy of the Dahiya gotra in a certain village in Haryana. The girls’family originally belonged to the Rathi gotra but had migrated to a village of the Hooda gotra several generations back and had adopted the same as their gotra. The fact that the village where her prospective in-laws belonged had a sizable (almost half of the village) population of Rathi gotra, was overlooked at the time of settling the marriage. Nearly a year later the happy married life of the couple was traumatized by the caste Panchayat mobilized by the Rathi faction of the village on the sly that the girl actually was of Rathi gotra and that her marriage in a village almost half of which had Rathi as their gotra was untenable. The girl’s husband went through very trying time under pressure of the Panchayat for annulling the marriage by having a rakhi tied by her on his wrist proclaiming a new relationship of a brother and a sister between them. His married sister, an educated and well informed lady stood by him and his wife giving them needed shelter and support in every manner. The intervention of the High court and alert action on the part of the government combined with a positive role played by the electronic media saved the situation. Several well meaning people in the village also intervened to placate the Panchayat by producing documentary proof in support of the girl’s parents having adopted the new gotra. It may be mentioned here that there are cases galore of similar nature which have gone unnoticed and undetected.
It may not be out of place to point out here the declining fortunes of gotra as a parameter of prohibition in matrimony. Tradition and caste Panchayats themselves have pragmatically been reducing the number of prohibited gotras for contracting marriage for centuries. And in the recent years communities at several places have gone ahead without the sanction of the caste Panchayats to further reduce the number of prohibited gotras to ensure that match making does not become a big problem. The gotra of mother’s mother’s father was out from the list more than a century back. It is not known if a decision to this effect was taken in a formal way by a caste Panchayat. Today the list of prohibited gotras in most places is two only after dropping father’s mother’s father’s gotra. What effectively remain now as prohibited gotras are that of mother’s father and one’s own father-quite a climb down from the original seven in the list.
There is no denying the fact that modernity has been a contributory factor, firstly in breeding the problems and then providing tools to fight against tradition and custom on the basis of law and reason. But at the same time modernity being not a villain also offers solutions for the willing. Modern means of transport and communication have led to the unsolicited contact between people on a more frequent basis than one could imagine some years ago. Boy meets girl is no more a phenomena on the silver screen or is limited to the city street. Rural life is not untouched by it. It has become a small world indeed. Spread of education, break up of the joint family and shifting of traditional occupations have among other things opened, both for men and women, doors to enter the vistas of self realization. The small screen having entered almost every home even in the rural areas has had its toll in influencing the young boys and girls to challenge tradition and custom wherever and whenever they find it obstructing their course chartered under the inspiration received from non traditional and custom free channels especially when tradition and custom have almost lost the race to modernity on several fronts. It is not claimed here that traditional society has always been a paragon of virtues. It is also not denied that clandestine relationships were not unknown in traditional societies. What is being emphasised is that tradition and custom keen to receiving adherence was equally willing and courageous in educating the young the fuller meanings of social life, family and relationships. Creating awareness of personal obligations and duties was more important than awareness of personal rights and privileges. And no wonder tradition and custom remained beacons of light for the society for several millenniums as we know. It is not that tradition and custom have remained static. Our long history is a history of social changes as reflected in our Smriti literature and achievements in several other fields. We have to rise to the occasion and find the golden middle path once again which we traversed whenever faced with dilemmas in our social life. But at the end of the day this will remain a pious hope until our law makers fully grasp the difference in the psychology of social behaviour in the rural and urban set up. The elite thinkers must condescend to engage in subaltern studies to know more of the impending challenges to social order in our very times.
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