Shrinking Distances, Expanding Distancing :

Shrinking Distances, Expanding Distancing :
Paradigm Shift in Matrimonial Union Among the Jats

Dr. S.S.RANA

The Jats like like similar peasant communities in the North and Noorth- West India have , since ages demonstrated traits and characteristics in their social life reflecting a remarkable continuity of the vedic and Sanskritik traditions. While on the one hand, they have been found adhering to the orthodoxy of the vedic sacraments relating to marriage, on the other hand they are not found failing to sincerely having recourse to the code of the Smritis the same answered their pragmatism. Forming matrimonial unions has engaged their best genious to institutionalizing it on sound scientific footings of ethnology, , kinship hierarchy and geographical spread.
Generally settled as they were in clusters of gotras in the rural settings, the rule of exogamy till not very recent times led them to distant places, to seek brides and to seek matrimonial homes for their daughters, the difficulties and hardships of travel notwithstanding. They, perhaps, believed along with Swami dayananda in the dictum laid down by Yaska in his Nirukta, a work on vedic etymology, namely, Duhita doore hita (a daughter better be married off to a distant place). We are not unaware of the distance angle through the traditional song of a daughter complaining to her father why she has been married off to a distant place, viz., babul kahe byahi bidesh. But we know that this long distance devise was not seen as a negative feature. This must be understood in the context of the social milieu of the times. In a largely agricultural economy where means of communication were scanty the chances of all the parameters of the of the respective parties (i.e. the bride givers and the bride takers)to be ascertained being difficult , matchmaking remained largely an impersonal matter to be personalized gradually over a period of time after marriage. There being hardly any avenues like educational institutions for gainfully growing up as healthy adults, girls were married off at a fairly young age, though the formal married life was to commence much later at an appropriate age through the ceremony of muklawa or gona.

The geographical spread of distance (at least in days when communication and transport were not easily available)served as a convenient buffer to ensure the privacy of the young couple awaiting though not without settled assurance, to to take responsibilities as husband and wife. This buffer of distance served to guard the privacy also of the two families. There were remote chances of news about any petty quarrel/slander at one end trickling down to the quarters of the other through hearsay, thus filling the gap in distancing in relationship through guarding of the family honour on both sides. According to a survey of geographical spread of marriages in a particular Jat village during the early years of the last century the distance ranged from 15 to 20 miles(21 to 32 kilometers) in case of Jat marriages. Interestingly the same survey showed a higher average distance in case of service castes like the carpenter, the blacksmith, barber etc. This can be attributed to the pattern of sparse distribution of population of these castes in different villages limiting their options of match making by observing the general rules of prohibition more or less similar to those observed by the Jats.
Times have changed and are further changing fast. In spite of the accessibility and availability of faster means of transport and communication the community is seen to be preferring to have matrimonial unions at the shortest possible distance within the constraints of the traditional prohibitions. There too, we have noticed the growing tendency to progressive dropping of one or more of these prohibitions as per convenience The previous century saw the gotra of the father of the mother’s mother (i.e.nani) going out of reckoning among the prohibitions. The last century ended up with the wide spread dropping of the gotra of the father of the father’s mother (i.e. dadi). In case of neither of these instances there are known reports of relaxation by Khap or Sarvakhap Panchayat. It is comparatively easy and possible in case of people living in cities as the rules of brotherhood of neighbour hood and norms of distance are already implied to be ignored. As long as the minimum gotra exogamy norms are observed distance could be as close as the next door. But there is a caveat. The norms of reasonable distance and seemjod biradari reckoned by the respective place of origin of the two sides would invariably be observed. Migration to the urban areas, even lock stock and barrel does not tear away the Jats from caste moorings. It goes without saying that exceptions prove the rule and it is no less true that anonymous living is not the way of this community.
From the very times the community had evolved an institutionalised system to ensure that there were no cases of either of the parties entering in a matrimonial alliance taking the other for a ride, all along the distance that stood between them for quite sometime, in the figurative sense too. In older times the village priest (a brahman) doubling with the village barber (nai) served as the marriage bureau. They would combine and start exploring the possibility of match making on behalf of the parents of a girl, in areas conforming to the primary requirement of the rule of gotra exogamy and other apparent prohibitions like area of brotherhood determined by either a common boundary (seemjod biradari) or other proximity (like nyota nithar), and land up at some respectable distance at the place of their local counterparts. After working out a quick mismatch of the relevant information the members of the two bureaus would arrive at a possible settlement and call upon the family of the family of the prospective bride groom and formalize the first step (`sagai) for ther union of the two families by offering one rupee (in the hand of the selected boy) as token in the presence of representative gathering of the local community. With the passage of time the village priest got dropped from the process leaving the nai to perform solo. Perhaps the de-linking of the Brahman from the process had something to do with the impact of the Arya Samaj on the Jats, who could do their own prayers and perform vedic yajna even without the assistance of a Brahman priest. The last century, in its later years witnessed the village nai also taking the back seat as far as selecting a groom was concerned, though he continued to be the master of ceremonies at all other stages of the marriage process. With the easy availability of faster means of transport and wide, though slow spread of girls’ education, the parents directly came into picture. This phenomenon went to reduce the distance for finding grooms for daughters.
With the shrinking of distance of marriage many aspects of the old world charm of bonding in kinship relationship is fast getting dull if not disappearing altogether. In older times large families qualified as preferred parties for forging matrimonial unions as marriage meant giving a daughter in a family. The bonding extended to members of the extended family on both sides. With the disintegration of the joint family, diversification of professions/ vocations, spread of education among the female population and the impact of media (howsoever ill informed!) are the factors that have contributed to the assertion of individualism among members of the community, especially the younger lot who are least exposed to the sustainable aspects of tradition and are greatly influenced by modernity. It is therefore, no wonder that we notice a trend of increasing distancing among various kin relations. Our guest list today is drastically different from what it used to be in the past. There should be no problem with new additions from professional or business connections But it should hurt some when distant relations really get distanced and kins, keen to join find no place in such lists. The syndrome is more glaring in the case of those who have migrated to the cities. Gone are the days when a distant cousin visiting the home of the in-laws of another was not only welcome but also received the same level of hospitality as would have been extended to their son-in-law. Relatives rushing to offer tumbler fulls of sweet milk to visiting guests is only in memory of the old timers. Today distant relatives are literally distanced and increasing distancing among near relatives is a common feature of our social life. The silent bonding and binding that took place under conditions of inter- dependency is sadly lacking in today’s world of market driven ways of life. Perhaps the younger generation knows better. They are to face the brave new world emerging fast in contemporary times. Faced with the difficulties in adhering to the norms of prohibitions in marriages they are taking recourse to unorthodox solutions transcending boundaries of caste, state and religion, generally driven by emotions making conscious decision based on personal choice. But when such things happen in village communities problems arise which defy easy solutions. Several cases where gross violation of the traditional rule of exogamy compounded with the violation of the prohibition of marriage in the same village whether in conformity with or in violation of other norms, have attracted the ire of the village community expressed through the traditional Panchayats dispensing spot justice . Killing for honour has been seen as the normal response in case a member of a lower caste attempts to run away with a Jat girl and marries her. Rural areas across the northern states are acutely facing the phenomena of conflict between tradition and individual choice supported by state law. The city bred can not imagine the amount of embarrassment to the members of the affected families when gross violations of traditional matrimonial code occur. Their daily life almost comes to a stand still. We can not urbanise rural India in one go to offer a haven to those who can cross boundaries of traditional social codes. For the present in rural India, especially in the North and the North -West tradition must prevail but with restrain and innovative approach to find solutions in cases of its violations not in contravention of the laws of the land and above all human rights. And if the Panchayats find enlightened leadership it should be possible to formulate conflict resolution proposals which the state should not hesitate to consider for appropriate changes in the current laws or for enacting new legislation, which should endure rather than fall on its face like the inheritance of land law in some states.

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